Andrew James Weatherhead
Things I'm Looking Forward to in the New Year

10. Falling asleep with my head in my palm
9. Waking up with a sore wrist
8. Looking at my wrist in a mirror
7. Convincing myself that my wrist needs surgery
6. Convincing a doctor that my wrist needs surgery
5. Saying something like "I'm not leaving here until you give my wrist surgery"
4. Surgery
3. Waking up from surgery to something funny on TV like Happy Gilmore
2. Self-administering morphine while reading Michael Crichton's "Jurassic Park"
1. Not knowing whether I'm shitting or not

Comments:
when i had surgery i stole a bag of used testicles while i pretended to be doing my 'first pee.' you know how they make you have that 'first pee' before you can leave the hospital. what is that? like, i can't wait to pee at home? in fact, i messed up on my first pee and almost fainted or whatever so they made me stay an extra hour before i squeezed out a enough urine that they let me go home! my dad said we could have whatever i wanted for dinner while i was lying on the couch and i was like let's have chinese. i don't remember what i watched, but i had full control of the remote for 2 weeks
 
I'm not afraid of 2012
 

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AJW is the author of numerous poems and short stories, both online and in print. He makes collages here. He is from Wilmette, Illinois. He is an Eagle Scout.